


I Wished For This

by adaille



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Kid Fic, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 02:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16188299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adaille/pseuds/adaille
Summary: Five-year-old Dean Winchester has a very important wish to make, one that will ensure he gets to keep his neighbor Cas forever. But no matter how hard he tries, his wishes keep getting spoiled, and he risks losing his best friend to time and growing up. Even more worrisome? Cas has a wish he’s been trying to make, too, and Dean doesn’t know what it is.###The blue-eyed boy reached into his pocket, pulling out a rock, but it wasn’t like any rock Dean’d ever seen. It was oval and it was dark brown with light streaks in it, and while other rocks hurt his hand to hold, this one was smooth when he touched it with his finger.“It’s from Virginia,” the boy said, his voice low.“Virginia?” Dean’d heard about Virginia, but he’d never been that far. He didn’t know exactly where it was, but he knew it was even further away than Uncle Bobby lived now, and he was suddenly in awe of this boy, who’d been all the way to Virginia and brought back this rock.





	1. Falling Stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alessariel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alessariel/gifts), [suckerfordeansfreckles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckerfordeansfreckles/gifts).



> This is my second time writing in present tense, and my first time from a kid’s POV. I tried to age the narrator’s voice as Dean grew up, which was kinda fun. 
> 
> I started outlining this for Pinefest, but the story wanted to be shorter and less painful, so it became this instead. I hope it makes you feel as warm and fuzzy as I felt when I was writing it.
> 
> Much thanks to [Jules](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkfish) for giving this a read through, fixing the wonky bits, prompting the removal of most of the ellipses, and forgiving the use of ‘alright’.

Dean sets everything up just so. Two blankets—a quilted one for sitting, and a fluffy one for covering. A cup of milk with a straw and a lid, and two cookies with chocolate chips smearing the white napkin under them. One for him, and one just in case.

He wriggles under the top blanket and stares up at the night sky, but it isn’t long before a screen door slams, and white fluff drops on his face.

“You forgot something,” Cas says. “Move over.”

Dean shuffles to the side, cramming his best friend’s pillow beneath his head. Cas only brought the one from his bedroom, so they squeeze close together, like Dean misses doing with Sam now that they have separate rooms.

Cas squirms, getting more comfortable, his hair tickling Dean’s ear. “What’re we doing?”

“Looking for stars.”

Cas hums. “Sure are lots of them.”

“Not those stars.” Dean pushes at him where their shoulders are pressed together. “Falling stars.”

“Why?”

“Uncle Bobby said if I see one and make a wish, it’ll come true.”

“What’re you gonna wish for?”

Dean bites at his bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth. He can’t tell Cas his wish, not until he gets it. That’s how Uncle Bobby said it works. If he tells, it won’t come true, and Dean can’t think of anything worse.

“Dee?”

Dean can feel Cas breathing against his cheek when his best friend turns to stare at him in the dark.

“Can’t tell you, Cas, or it won’t come true.”

“Says who?”

“Says everybody.”

Cas huffs. “I thought we pinky swore no secrets.”

“This is different.” This is important, and Dean’s not gonna mess it up, even if not telling Cas makes him feel itchy inside. “C’mon, help me watch.”

Cas settles his head back down on the pillow next to Dean, the blanket rising and falling as they breathe. His friend’s body is warm, comforting to snuggle against while Dean thinks about his wish. He wants it ready to go when he sees the star, wants it worded just right, like a genie wish, thought out extra careful so nothing can go wrong.

Dean wants to kiss Cas, like Aunt Ellen kissed Uncle Bobby when Dean had to wear his scratchy too-tight church socks. Dad said them kissing meant they were getting married, and getting married meant Uncle Bobby got to keep Aunt Ellen forever.

And Cas—Dean plans to keep him forever. He doesn’t want Cas to go away like his old house and his old friends and his old school went away when they came here, but for a long time he didn’t know how. Now, though, now he’s gonna make a wish, and he’s gonna get to keep Cas. Uncle Bobby said so.

“Dee?” Cas whispers again, not ten minutes later.

“Yeah, Cas?”

“Are those cookies?” His eyes shine in the moonlight, bright and hopeful.

Dean grins, and takes a bite of one, smiling wider to show where the cookie smushes around his teeth. “Uh huh.”

“Gross.” Cas shoves at his shoulder. “You’re gross. You know Mom doesn’t stuff like that.”

Dean surrenders the other cookie and swallows his own too big bite before agreeing. “Yeah, my mom says it’s not nice.”

Castiel’s too busy pushing his whole cookie in his mouth to answer. His mom doesn’t let him have sweets, so Dean always carries extra. After Cas swallows, Dean hands him the other half of his own treat.

“Mom says we’re not supposed to be out here after dark, either,” Dean adds.

Cas makes happy noises while the rest of Dean’s cookie disappears, just like Castiel’s first. “Yeah, but this is nice, that’s not, so this is okay.”

“It is?”

“Yeah, Dad says nice things are okay. This is a nice thing. And we’re not supposed to be out here _alone_. We’re not alone. I’m with you and you’re with me. So it’s okay.”

Dean’s frown fades, and he hands his milk to Cas to take a sip. It _is_ nice, being out here with Cas. It’s way better than being upstairs. Dean doesn’t like it upstairs. Everything is terrible about the new house—it’s too big and it makes noises and he’s got his own room instead of getting to share with Sammy. Sometimes he wishes he could share his room with Cas.

He’d sneak cookies up to bed and they could eat them under the covers with flashlights and he’d tell Cas everything that happened that day, even though Cas would already know, because he’d’ve been there, too.

This was nice, but that’d be nicer.

He falls asleep nuzzled up to Cas long before either of them find any wishing stars.

#

Dean’s mom catches them outside early the next morning, wrapped around each other under the blanket, sweating slightly despite the cold air. She scolds Dean for scaring her and threatens to tell Castiel’s mom if they do it again.

Cas whispers _“that’s okay, I don’t mind”_ before he heads home, but Dean doesn’t plan on going out at night again, not even to find The Star that was gonna give him Cas. If Dean’s mom is making that pinched face over it, it’s something Castiel’s mom’ll ground him for, and he doesn’t want Cas to get grounded. If he’s grounded, Cas won’t be allowed to play with Dean, and then Dean can’t steal extra cookies for him, and that’s as bad as losing him.

Dean shivers even though he’s inside now, and the heat is on. He’ll just have to find another way to get his wish.

###


	2. Wishing Bones

Dean worries all summer about Cas maybe getting a different teacher when they start first grade. He asks his mom if she can find out, over and over, but she just smiles and tells him to _“have faith.”_ He tries, but it’s hard when it’s so important.

When she asks, he says it’s scary because he doesn’t know anyone else, but he doesn’t want to, either. He just wants Cas. They’ve only had one birthday each since they met, but everything before Cas is already fuzzy, all greys and sea-sick greens and that shade of purple Dean doesn’t like anymore.

As for the day he met Cas, Dean would never forget that. Castiel found Dean and gripped his hand tight and pulled him out of the worst, most terrible, no good Thursday Dean had ever had, like it was nothing.

#

For a long time, they’d lived with Uncle Bobby, and he was the best uncle ever, even if people who didn’t know him thought he was mean. He was never mean to Dean, and he was great at catch and had bunches of great stories. But then Dad got a new job, and Dean’s now-Aunt Ellen and her daughter—Dean’s now-cousin Jo—started coming over for dinner a lot, and then Daddy moved them, all the way _across town_ , in a horrid, loud truck that smelled. And they made him give away most of his toys, and all of the stuff from his room, even his bed.

He worried he’d never get to see them again at the time, which was fine when it came to Jo, because she was just the worse, like a little sister he never asked for, and she got to have Dean and Sam’s old room when her mom and Uncle Bobby got married. It wasn’t fair.

He didn’t know anybody here, and he’d just found out he was going to have to go to a new school, and that his bedroom was up the stairs, and it was too big for his new stuff, and he didn’t even want new stuff, he wanted his old stuff, and the new bed was too big and it smelled like plastic and the sheets were stiff. Mom wouldn’t listen and she didn’t understand, and she’d threatened to have him sit on the steps like he was still a little kid.

He’d run off before she could make him, wanting a place to cry like the spot he had at Uncle Bobby’s. He looked and looked, but there weren’t any old cars to sit in, or trees to climb, or good shrubs to crawl under. He’d decided he was going to run away since _no one cared_ , when he spotted the boy sitting against the wall of the house beside his stupid new one, watching.

Dean had never seen blue eyes like that before, especially not with dark hair, and he forgot for a moment why he was sad. The boy stood up and brushed sticks and leaves off his jeans, then came over, stopping in front of Dean.

“H-hi,” Dean breathed, his voice still trembling, but he wasn’t gonna cry in front of the new kid like a baby, like _Sammy_.

The blue-eyed boy tilted his head without answering, then reached into his pocket, pulling out a rock, but it wasn’t like any rock Dean knew. It was oval and it was dark brown with light streaks in it, and while other rocks hurt his hand to hold, this one was smooth when he touched it with his finger.

The boy made short thrusting motions with the rock, indicating for Dean to take it, and when he cupped his hands, the boy placed it in his palms.

“It’s from Virginia,” the boy said, his voice low.

“Virginia?” Dean whispered back, shocked. He’d heard about Virginia, but he’d never been that far. He didn’t know exactly where it was, but he knew it was even further away than Uncle Bobby lived now, and he was suddenly in awe of this boy, who’d been all the way to Virginia and brought back this rock.

The boy nodded, his face slightly scrunched like the big people’s when they were in church, and Dean returned his attention to the rock.

“Wow.” Dean couldn’t stop stroking it, rubbing it, rolling it between his palms. It was so smooth.

“You can have it.” The boy tilted his head again. “If you want it.”

Dean nodded, hard, still staring down at the rock.

“Can you read good?”

Dean shook his head, finally looking back up at the other boy.

“My brother can read.”

Dean wasn’t sure why he was being given this information at first, but then the other boy grabbed one of his hands in a grip that was warm and soft and slightly sweaty. He led Dean into his own house, where he convinced his brother Gabriel to read them a book about a bee that loved sunflowers three times in a row.

Dean liked Gabriel, and not just because he could read. He was funny, and he told Dean the boy’s name was Castiel, and that being given Castiel’s river rock from Virginia was a Big Deal. He didn’t know why Gabe laughed after telling him that, but he didn’t really care, because...Castiel.

The new boy’s name was Castiel, and Dean had just decided he was going to keep him forever.

#

The first day of school, Dean wants them to ride in together, but Mom says things like _“my baby’s all grown up”_ and _“I want to walk you in on your first day, sweetie, you can talk to Cas later.”_ But what if he can’t? What if Cas isn’t just in a different room, he’s in a different _building_? What if he can’t eat lunch with Dean?

Dean snuck a second brownie in his bag last night, and who’s gonna eat it if Cas isn’t there?

Mom threatens to carry him inside like Sammy if he doesn’t get out of the car, but until he goes in, he can’t find out Cas isn’t gonna be with him. He takes a deep breath, and reaches in his pocket, wrapping his fingers around the rock, Castiel’s rock, Dean’s rock, the rock he still keeps in a pocket all the time in case he needs it. He feels its strangely warm weight against his palm, and it calms him, like it always does. Like Cas does.

He can do this.

Dean doesn’t care how great anyone says these other kids are, even if Cas isn’t in his class, he’s still not gonna be friends with any of them. Dean doesn’t care about sitting by himself, he’ll do it. Cas is his friend, his best friend, and he’s Castiel’s, and he’s not gonna let anyone come between them. He’ll fight them if they try.

His steps falter. But...but what if...what if _Cas_ finds another friend. What if Cas doesn’t want him to come over anymore? _What if he wants his rock back so he can give it to his new, better friend?_ He’ll...he’ll just pretend he lost it. Cas doesn’t know he carries it around, and it hasn’t come up all week, so he can just say Sammy stole it, or it fell out of his pocket that one time he went to the park without Cas. He’s not good at making up stories, and Mom says it isn’t nice, but it’s also not nice to ask for a present back, so. Cas’ll have started it.

His breathing speeds up, and his fingers are numb around the rock, when he suddenly remembers his wish. He should’ve worked harder to get it. He didn’t find a star, but there are other ways to get one granted. If Cas hasn’t met anyone else yet, it might not be too late.

“Dean, sweetie, hurry up, we need to get you to class.” Mom tugs at his hand, making him take too-big steps to keep up.

The building smells sharp, like when Mom cleans the kitchen, and he doesn’t loosen his grip around the rock until he sees Cas sitting in the room Dean is going to be in, with an empty desk beside him, waiting for Dean.

He gives Cas the extra brownie right away.

#

It’s Thanksgiving at their house before Dean gets another chance. He didn’t even know it was a thing, but Uncle Bobby hands him the big wishbone off the turkey and tells him and Jo to make wishes, and pull. Whoever gets the good half, gets their wish. It’s perfect.

His heart surges in his throat, and he can’t breathe. This is it, this is so easy, he didn’t expect it to be so easy. He’s bigger than Jo by a year, of course he’s gonna get the good half. Dean thinks hard on his wish, so hard, squeezes his eyes shut and pulls, and twists, and pulls again, almost falling backwards when the bone snaps.

He hears Jo crowing before he even opens his eyes, and looks down to see the not-good half in his own fingers. Dean runs upstairs, barely making it to his hiding spot under the clothes hanging on the closet rack before he bursts into sobs. Mom gets upset when he won’t come back down, not even to eat his pie, but he can’t tell her why it matters. Wishes are secrets.

###


	3. Burning Wicks

Dean gets to have a party for his birthday this year, with kids from his class huddled around his cake, not just family. It should make him happy, but he’s already tired of the loud party games before they start, and even the piñata doesn’t hold much interest for him. He just wants them to get to the good part. The cake.

It’s chocolate, with white icing, but he doesn’t care about that, either—he only asked for it because that’s Castiel’s favorite, for now. He’s been nervous all week; he has A Plan this time, and he needs it to work. Him and Cas, they’re both in the same class this year, but what about second grade?

Mom let him come along when she picked out candles, and he got her to buy one big candle shaped like a number 6 instead of six little ones. Everyone knows your wish only works if you blow out all of the candles on your cake on the first try. Dean didn’t know if he could do six at once, especially if Mom had placed them too far apart, but he knew he could get _one_ to go out.

He knew, because he’d taken one of his mom’s candles and a lighter into the hall bathroom last week. He’d practiced so much he’d gotten caught, and then he’d been grounded for two days because “ _fire wasn’t for playing with_.” Dean couldn’t explain to them he _wasn’t_ playing, he had to practice, because wishes were still secrets.

Warm heat settles in at Dean’s side on the back steps, brushing his shoulder, and he doesn’t look up. He doesn’t need to—he knows Cas anywhere, down to the shape of him at the edge of what Dean can see before it goes blurry. The smell of his shampoo and his mom’s detergent. The sound of his breathing, soft and steady, and the way he doesn’t always talk right away.

Even without all that, Dean figures he’d still know Cas, the way birds know how to get home at the end of winter.

“Are you alright?” Cas bumps his shoulder again, keeping his voice down. 

Dean shrugs, not wanting to lie, not to Cas. He won’t be alright until he’s done with his birthday candle. He’d gotten his mom’s big one to blow out just fine before Dad took it away, but what if the little one doesn’t work the same? What if he coughs, and messes it up and has to wait another year? What if Cas makes another friend and they get to keep him, not Dean?

“Don’t you like your party?”

This time, he shakes his head. Without the party making everything take so long, he’d have given Cas his Keeping Kiss already, and his piece of cake, too. Pie was better anyway, and it was more fun to watch Cas eat, with his eyes crinkled in the corners and sometimes icing on his nose.

Cas tries again. “Everyone from class came.”

“Just want Mom and Dad and Sammy and you.”

Neither of them speaks again for a while, watching three more kids try and fail to break the piñata. Cas finally asks, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Dean tries to work a thread loose from the tear in his jeans, but it’s too stubborn. “I got a wish to make, and I’m scared I’ll mess it up.”

“Your star wish?”

Dean shifts. “You remember that?”

Cas eyes him like maybe Dean’s crazier than he realized. “It’s not like I sleep outside all the time, Dee.”

Dean doesn’t answer, and Cas nudges him again. “You’re not gonna mess it up. And if you do, I’ll come over tonight and we’ll find a star, for sure this time.”

“Not gonna get you grounded, Cas.”

“I told you I don’t care.”

“I do.”

Cas is silent for the length of time it takes a kid to burst the piñata. “You’re not gonna mess it up.”

#

Dean doesn’t get a chance to mess it up, because when his mom goes to put the candle on his cake, she accidentally breaks it into three crumbly pieces, trying to get it free of its package.

His eyes sting as he begs her to fix it, but she says she can’t, and she tells him it’s fine, and lays the pieces flat on the cake. 

“See, hon? They still make the number like this.”

His lip wobbles. “How are you gonna light it?”

“Oh, sweetie, I can’t.”

“But you have to!”

“Dean—”

“No, you have to!” The tears have already started, and everyone is staring now, but Dean doesn’t care, he just balls his fists tighter. He can feel Cas next to him again, just a step behind, not touching him. “You have to fix it, Mom, please.”

“Dean, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal! It is!”

“Dean—”

She has her stern mom voice out now, like when he won’t stop fidgeting in church, and he turns and runs before she can say he’s embarrassing her. His legs churn, carrying him stumbling up the stairs, down the hall, into his room, into his closet. He dives under the hanging clothes and lets the sobs wrack through him.

Less than a minute later, Cas burrows under with him, warm and soft beside him, not talking.

“It is a big deal,” Dean whispers.

“I know,” is all Cays says, and Dean cries and cries.

###


	4. Chasing Rainbows

Dean plans to try again on his birthday the following year, but this time his mom doesn’t buy him any candles at all.

The weather matches Dean’s mood the next day, which suits him just fine. He’s grounded for “ _ruining his party_ ” for the second year in a row, and he isn’t supposed to go outside anyway. Dean’s still so mad about his missed wish that he spends most of the morning under the clothes in his closet, rolling Castiel’s rock back and forth on the dusty carpet, same as yesterday afternoon.

He’s debating getting a snack when the closet door yanks open with a burst of air, and Dean hates the way the freshness stings his lungs. Why won’t Mom just leave him alone?

“Dean!” Cas hisses, and there’s a tug on Dean’s ankle, dragging him out. “Dean, come quick.”

“What’s wrong?” He wipes at his eyes, hoping Cas thinks it’s dust.

“Nothing’s wrong. I was talking to Gabe about your wish.” He’s got Dean by the wrist now, and he’s pulling him out of the closet and into his room, over to the window, where he points outside at the sky, his eyes wide and excited. “Look!”

Dean doesn’t see what he’s pointing at, not at first, and then he does. “The rainbow?”

“Yes!”

“What’s a rainbow got to do with anything?”

“Leprechauns, Dean, leprechauns! Gabe says they show up at the end of rainbows after it rains, and if you catch one, they’ll give you a wish to let them go.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he wouldn’t make up stories about this. I told him it was important.”

Dean’s heart speeds up, his mind racing with possibilities. “We’ll need snacks.”

Cas pats the straps of his school backpack. “I’ve already got peanut butter sandwiches, and rope, and Gabe loaned me his slingshot.”

He really is the best, Dean thinks.

#

It almost worries Dean, how easy it is to sneak out, but then Cas got in without anyone seeing him, too. They both know the squeaky stairs to skip, and the spot in front of the kitchen door that creaks. Mom’s on the phone, down the hall; he can hear her in the laundry room, probably talking to Aunt Ellen.

Cas grabs Dean’s hand as they race down the porch steps and across the street, falling to the ground and laughing when they get to the neighbor’s backyard, all teeth and gums and free free free.

Dean catches his breath, and they stand, straightening Castiel’s bag on his shoulders, and then it’s time for leprechauns, cutting through yards and across roads. Dean isn’t really paying attention to where they are, only where they’re going, the rainbow as pretty and bright and good as getting his wish granted is going to feel.

Yard after yard, street after street, then through one small playground, just a merry-go-round and some baby swings and a slide. There’s a gas station after that, and they plan to cross between the cars until a stranger calls out and moves toward them. They run, quick like a cat, around the back of the building where a man in a vest is smoking something that makes them cough.

Dean’s legs start to burn, and Cas is breathing hard, his cheeks flushed. The rainbow is still there, but it feels like it’s been hours, and it’s fading even quicker than they are.

“You want to stop and eat?” Dean asks, hopeful.

“We’ll miss it if we do.” Cas sounds sad about it, even more than Dean feels. “The rainbow’s half gone.” 

“You want me to carry the bag for a bit?”

“Okay.” They walk for a while in silence, once Cas hands it over.

The rainbow leads them to a great big park Dean’s never seen before, much nicer than the little one near their houses, with two playgrounds and a covered place to sit made out of wood. He eyes the picnic table under it, but Cas is right, they’ve got to hurry.

The playgrounds are almost out of sight when it starts to rain, cold and mist and tickly at first. Cas speeds up, grabbing Dean’s hand and dragging him along, faster and faster as the light fades into the clouds, and the running makes Dean wheeze. “C’mon!”

“I’m trying, Cas!”

He trips then, stumbling, his hand torn from Castiel’s as he tries to catch himself, scraping his palms on the path. Dean’s brushing sand from his cuts when Cas keens, shifting from foot to foot, and lightning flashes bright as the rain starts coming down hard, cold and soaking.

Dean knows the rainbow’s gone before he even looks up.

“We missed it,” Cas whimpers. “We came all this way and we missed it.”

“Maybe it’ll come back after the rain stops?” Dean’s upset, too, but the sounds Cas is making burn him somewhere deep inside. He’ll do anything to make them stop, to bring back that gummy smile.

“It’s not gonna come back, Dean. And if it does, it’s gonna be somewhere else.”

Dean wants to argue, but Cas is right, so he stands up and hooks a finger in the soaked collar of Castiel’s t-shirt. “C’mon, we’re gonna get sick and your mom’s gonna be mad.”

“Yours is, too.” Cas kicks at a rock as they walk back towards the picnic table, water running down their cheeks and squishing in their shoes. “Don’t stretch my shirt out.”

“I’m always getting you in trouble,” Dean says, but he drops his hand.

“Are not.”

“Am too.”

“This was my idea, not yours,” Cas says.

“But you did it for me, for _my_ wish.”

The wooden shelter blocks the rain as long as the wind isn’t blowing, and Cas puts his bag down. After a moment, he digs out the sandwiches, protected from the wet by plastic freezer bags, and hands one to Dean.

A few mouthfuls in, Cas says, “I was gonna make a wish, too. So it wasn’t just for you.”

Dean doesn’t have anything to say back, so he eats his sandwich in silence, watching the rain pour down from one of the eight sides of their roof. He wonders what Cas was going to wish for, but can’t ask him.

He hadn’t realized Cas had a secret, too. Now that he knows, it’s all he can think about.

“I don’t know where we are,” Cas whispers between bites, breaking his train of thought. “Do you?”

Dean shakes his head. The sun moved while they were walking, moved a lot, and his legs hurt, so he knows they’ve come a long way. School’s the other way from where the rainbow was, and so is Uncle Bobby’s, and church. “We could try to go back the way we came?”

“Dad says when you’re lost, you’re not supposed to move.”

“We aren’t lost-lost. We came from there.” Dean points with the rest of his sandwich.

“We’re lost.”

Dean doesn’t like the idea of sitting still and waiting to be found. Cas is usually right about these things, but— “If we don’t get home before they catch us gone, we’re gonna be in so much trouble. I’m already grounded.”

“They already know.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. We missed lunch, Dean.”

Oh. Right. He thinks about using the swear word Gabe taught them, but Cas scowls when he uses it, and Dean doesn’t want him to frown any more than he already is. He’s just about to ask Cas what they should do when he hears a shout.

“Dean Winchester! That better not be you over there.” 

He squints through the rain. It’s Aunt Ellen, driving the truck she takes to work, and Dean doesn’t know whether to be happy or scared that they’ve been caught.

At least they aren’t lost anymore, and Cas is with him, whatever happens now.

### 


	5. Flying Home

It’s too hot and dry the summer before sixth grade, so Dad won’t let them do fireworks in the yard. He claims the show the town is putting on down by the lake is almost as good, but Dean has his doubts, at first.

He changes his mind once Castiel’s family shows up, parking in the empty space beside them. From the way Mom smiles, soft and clever, they’d planned it all along, and just hadn’t told Dean or Cas. 

He’s suddenly glad they had cupcakes earlier, even though he’d wanted pie at the time. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—have saved any pie, but there’s half a cupcake in the pocket of his cargo shorts right now. Devil’s food cake with white icing and little star sprinkles, blue and red and white.

Dean winds up pressed between Sammy and Cas on the blanket, waiting for it to get a little darker. The grown-ups are standing nearby, but their attention is on Gabe doing cartwheels in the spaces between the other people. As soon as Castiel’s mom turns her head to yell at Gabe for falling a bit too close to someone’s chair, Dean passes the cupcake’s remains to Cas.

The icing is stuck to the napkin and it’s kind of squished, but Cas shoves the whole thing into his cheeks, making Sammy snicker. Dean’s shushing Sammy before the grown-ups look to see what’s so funny, when he spots it.

A ladybug.

The insect’s crawling along the blanket right in front of them, slightly more towards Dean than his brother, inching closer and closer and closer, one wiggle and waggle at a time.

It’s been three years since the Leprechaun Incident, but Castiel’s eyes crinkle ever so slightly, the corner of his mouth shifting up, and Dean knows he remembers. He knows Cas is thinking about their wishes, too.

Between luck and living in a small town, Dean hasn’t been separated from Cas yet at school, and even though they both have other friends now, no one’s come between them. Castiel’s never asked for his rock back, and Dean always gives him at least half of his dessert at lunch even when Cas pretends he’s fine without anything sweet.

He’s never stopped wanting to keep Cas, he’s just no longer sure a simple wish would be enough.

Dean stares down, counting the seven spots. Seven spots for seven months, one spot for each month until his wish would come true. He thinks the words in his head, setting his fingers carefully, cautiously on the blanket near the tiny red bug. _Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home._ He’s too old to really believe in such superstitions anymore, but if the insect lands on his hand, it can’t hurt to say the words before it takes off, right?

Little kid superstition or not, Dean can use a little luck. Castiel’s overheard his parents talking a few times, about things like _the cost of living_ and _the job market_ and _a fresh start_ , and Gabe says they might move if their mom’s contract doesn’t get extended at the end of the year.

Dean can’t think of anything worse.

His hand trembles at the thought, and the ladybug veers away at the last second, heading towards Sam, who’s seen it, now. His brother squeals in delight, shoving his hand down too quickly, and the ladybug flies away.

Dean wants to be irritated at his brother, but he can’t find it in himself to be. It was a long shot anyway, and at least for now, he’s got Cas, and he’s guaranteed to have him until after Christmas. 

That’s months and months and months away, and so it’s tomorrow-Dean’s problem. Now-Dean is warm, and full of burgers and cupcakes, and his best friend and his brother are with him, and there’s gonna be lights and music and they get to stay outside after dark.

Dean’s hand slips into his pocket, feeling the small Virginia rock, worn smooth by water first, then by his fingers. He bumps his shoulder into Cas, and Cas turns to smile at him, icing still on his chin. Dean thumbs it away, licking off the bit of sweetness, and turns back towards the water.

The show’ll be starting soon. It’s a good day, and he can’t be sad right now.

###


	6. Tossing Coins

Rhonda bumps her shoulder into Dean, jostling his attention back to her. “You’re staring at him again,” she whispers, even though there’s no need to keep their voices down in the busy mall food court.

She’s right, but it’s hard not to. Cas looks so good today, and at fifteen, Dean’s long since discovered his childish desire to keep Cas forever has a little more behind it than he’d realized when he was little. Luckily, Castiel’s mom works with Dean’s mom now, so he doesn’t have to worry about him moving anymore, but he can lose Cas in other ways. Meg-shaped ways.

“Why don’t you ask him out?”

Dean shrugs, toying with the spoon in his ice cream, his cup filled more with toppings than anything else. “He thinks you and me are still dating.”

“Dean…”

“I haven’t told him I’m bi yet, okay?”

“I’m pretty sure he likes guys, too—or at least, he likes you.”

They’ve been over this too many times before, and it makes his head hurt every time. “He’s dating Meg.”

“I don’t think he is, Dean. I think they’re like us.”

“Yeah? Then why don’t you ask Meg out? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you making moon-eyes at her.” It’s his turn to jostle her, and she shoves back.

“I don’t think she’s interested in me that way.”

Dean resumes staring at their two friends, who are taking entirely too long to get refills at the soda fountain. Cas throws his head back in a laugh at something Meg says, and Dean aches a little. Even if he’s not with Dean, Dean’s glad he’s with someone who can make him laugh like that, her snarky commentary always sure to bring a smile out, even easier than Dean can get one. That’s what love and affection look like, not this weird tension between Cas and Dean that pops up randomly whenever they’re alone now.

Meg glances over where Dean and Rhonda are sitting by the fountain, and winks—at which of them, Dean isn’t sure. Somehow, he doesn’t want to know. She looks at Dean like she can read him sometimes, like how he feels is obvious to her, and it makes him uneasy. If she ever tells Cas...he can’t lose Cas, especially not over something like this.

Dean’s staring down at the quarter he got back in change, flipping it over and over in his hand, rolling it from knuckle to knuckle and back to his palm, the movement calming him since he can’t play with the rock tucked in his pocket right now. He hasn’t let anyone see it in years, not even Cas. It’s...it’s special.

“You gonna eat that, or let it melt?” Cas asks, dropping down next to him on the edge of the fountain, firm and warm in a way that Rhonda isn’t.

“Not much in there to melt,” Meg teases, her voice as sharp as her eyes. “Did you even get any ice cream, or did you just fill your bowl with brownie bites and Reese’s again?”

Dean ignores her tone; she knows as well as Dean how much Cas loves chocolate and peanut butter, and if it isn’t pie, Dean doesn’t really care, so why not get Castiel’s favorites? His focus zeroes in on Cas instead. He’s so close, and if Dean just leans over a little bit, they’ll be pressed together, just like when they were kids. Just a little bit, he just needs to lean over an inch, not even an inch.

He doesn’t lean over, but he passes his bowl to Cas. “I’m done with it anyway.”

“You realize Cas already had an entire bowl,” Meg snarks, but Cas is already shoveling bits of candy into his mouth. “You just want to make him fat so he won’t be hot anymore and no one else will like him.”

“I’d like him whether he was hot or not,” Dean says, absently. “And he’ll still be the hottest guy in school even if he gains weight.”

The others fall silent, and Dean glances up. It takes him too long to realize what he’s said, and it doesn’t sink in how damaging it is until he sees Castiel’s wide eyes and rapidly pinking cheeks, the spoon frozen halfway to his mouth. The moment is broken when Meg starts laughing, and Cas turns to grumble at her under his breath.

“Come on, we’re gonna be late for the movie.” Dean grabs Rhonda’s hand, pulling her up. He stops for a heartbeat, looking down at his coin, then at the fountain.

It can’t hurt, right? He thinks over the words of the same wish he always wishes, and tosses the quarter at the fountain. He’s turning away when he hears a _tink_ rather than a _splish_ ; the coin’s hit the edge of the fountain, and it’s bouncing, bouncing, rolling and spinning away across the uneven tiles of the floor.

He doesn’t go back for it. There’s no point in trying again.

###


	7. Blowing Dandelions

Over the years leading up to prom night, Dean’s had a lot of fantasies about how it’s going to go. Having a panic attack in a rented tuxedo while hiding behind the tree in his backyard was not part of those fantasies, but here he is.

“Dean, aren’t you almost ready?” Sammy drops down next to him in a crouch. “Dean?”

Dean can tell Sam’s looking at him, but he can’t focus. 

“Dean! Are you okay?”

“I can’t breathe,” Dean wheezes.

“Okay, okay, wait here, I’m gonna get Cas.”

“No, no, don’t—” Dean reaches to snag Sam by the leg of his pajamas, but he’s already gone. 

He knows Sam’s just trying to help, since Castiel’s helped him through these before, calming him with words and sneaking him a hit off Gabe’s emergency inhaler to open his lungs up. But this time, Cas is the last person Dean wants to see, even though he’s supposed to be coming over to ride with Dean in an hour, supposed to go with Dean to pick up Rhonda and Meg.

Meg.

Dean feels sick, and touching the rock in his pocket makes the feeling worse for once, not better. She’s been laughing and teasing all week about how she’s going to “ _deflower_ ” Cas tonight, how they’re going to “ _move some furniture around,_ ” and Cas...Cas hasn’t said no. He’s just smiled that uncomfortable smile he always gets when someone shares a secret he didn’t want them to share. Trust Cas to be the kind who doesn’t want to kiss and tell.

But still, Meg and Cas, Cas and Meg, it’s all Dean can think about. Tonight, it’s gonna be Cas and Meg. For the longest time, Dean’s pretended he’s going to get off his ass in time for it to be him and Cas heading to prom together. Together-together. Somehow, time’s gotten away from him again.

He’s never gotten his wish, either, and every year, Cas slips further away. Sure, Cas applied and got into the same colleges Dean did, and he’s mentioned being roommates, but Dean doesn’t want to be _just roommates_ , and it’s all screwed up, and he can’t breathe. 

He can’t breathe.

Warmth settles beside Dean on the grass, and an arm is thrown across his shoulder, and he leans into Cas without thinking, without hesitating.

“Cas...” He doesn’t mean for it to come out as a whimper, but it does. His heart rate is already slowing, his body taking the comfort from Cas his mind refuses to.

“You don’t need this, do you?” Cas holds up the inhaler, squeezing him tighter to his body with his other hand. “You seem to be through the worst of it.”

Dean doesn’t trust his voice after the squeak that came out a minute ago, but Cas fills the silence. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

This time, Dean shakes his head.

“Dean…” When Dean still refuses to say anything, Cas carries on. “Did something happen between you and Rhonda?”

“We’re not dating,” Dean blurts out.

“Oh. Um. Did you break up, tonight?”

“No. I mean, we haven’t been dating, for years.” 

Cas tilts his head, but waits, and now that Dean’s started talking, he can’t seem to stop. “We did date, for a while, freshman year, but um, we both like other people. It’s just been easier to let people think we’re still going out.”

“Did you not want to go to prom with her, as friends?” Cas tries again, still clearly not understanding why Dean’s so upset, but he doesn’t call Dean out for mis-leading him, and Dean is grateful for it.

Dean tries to smile, but it feels sad, even to him. He can’t tell Cas what he wants. Cas is going to prom with Meg, and Dean...Dean doesn’t want to watch them together, knowing what’s going to happen between them later tonight. “I don’t want to go at all,” he whispers.

“Too many people?”

He starts to shake his head, but then realizes it’s as good an excuse as any. Cas understands how he’s always felt about parties. “Yeah, I just don’t feel like being around a crowd right now.”

“Then we won’t go,” Cas says, as if it’s that easy.

“What?”

“If you don’t want to go, then we won’t go,” Cas repeats.

“But the girls…”

“I’ll call Meg, and she can pick up Rhonda. If you two aren’t dating, she’s been wanting to ask Rhonda out anyway.”

Dean stares at Cas. “What?”

“What?” Cas meets his eyes, his head tilting further, but he still hasn’t let Dean go, and it’s turning Dean’s brain to mush.

He reaches back into his pocket, fingers wrapping tight around the rock, grounding himself. “Doesn’t that make you upset?”

“Why would I care?”

“You and Meg are dating!”

“Dean, we aren’t dating any more than you and Rhonda are.”

“So you were pretending?”

“No, I’ve never said we were dating. Did you think we were?”

“What about all the ‘study dates’ Meg invited you on?”

“We studied.”

“The group projects!”

“I have to have a partner on projects when you and I don’t share a class, Dean. And Meg and I are friends, good friends, of course we’d partner together.”

“But she said she was going to have sex with you tonight!”

Dean’s voice pitches a bit too high, a bit too hysterical, and Cas is silent. He knows, Dean thinks. He knows that’s why Dean panicked, now. He grips the rock tighter in his palm, bringing it up to his lips without thinking, pressing his fist against his face the way he does when he’s alone and has a bad dream.

Heartbeat after heartbeat passes, and Dean breathes, feeling Cas breathing next to him, their chests moving in sync.

“Is that…” Cas gestures at the rock Dean’s clutching. “Is that the rock from Virginia?”

Dean closes his eyes, feeling heat and embarrassment flush through him. “Yeah.”

“You kept it?”

“Yeah, ‘f course.”

“You keep it on you?”

Dean shrugs, but the jig is already up, so he may as well confess all his sins tonight. “It keeps me calm.”

Cas is quiet for long enough Dean starts to feel uncomfortable, but then he just says, “Meg says things like that to make me uncomfortable. Like you tease Sam, or Jo teases you. We were never going to have sex tonight, or ever. She likes Rhonda, but we thought Rhonda liked you.”

Dean can’t think of anything to say but _“oh”_ and _“I got grass stains all over our tuxes”._

“It doesn’t matter.” Cas pulls out his phone, and brings up his text messages, his long fingers moving quickly over the screen. “Meg’ll get Rhonda and take her to prom, then we can do whatever you want.”

Dean starts to protest, then decides not to kick a gift horse in the teeth. Once Cas puts his phone away, the silence feels more comfortable than it’s been between them for weeks. There’s no sound other than the crickets chirping, signaling the evening being almost there, and Dean is content to let the time slip by.

For once, it’s Cas who gets restless first, and he leans forward, plucking a dandelion tuft from the weed-riddled grass beneath their tree. “You never did get your wish,” he says, offering the fuzzy ball to Dean.

“You never got yours either.”

“That’s okay, take it.”

“It’s yours. You found it, you keep it.”

Cas hums, then blows hard, the tiny seeds all breaking free, flying away into the dimming light. At least one of them finally got their secret wish from when they were kids, and when Cas flashes teeth and gums and eye crinkles at Dean, he can’t help but smile back.

“What’d you wish for?”

Cas smiles harder, so hard it looks like it’ll make his jaw ache if he doesn’t stop. “I wished for this, Dean Winchester,” he says, and he leans over and kisses Dean on the mouth, soft and chaste, smile against stunned smile.

Dean pulls back, staying less than an inch away, losing himself in blue. “You…”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.” He licks his suddenly dry lips and tries again. “I, uh, that was sort of my wish, too. Us.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Their next kiss isn’t quite so chaste, and Dean feels something loosen in his chest. He gets to keep Cas after all. He gets to keep Cas, and he’s never going to let him go.

###

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to post this chapter-by-chapter, but then [Alessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alessariel) and [Anna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckerfordeansfreckles) had birthdays this week, and so I decided to finish this and post it all at once in their honor. If you enjoyed this story, please go give their works some love!
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/adaille) and [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/Adaille) under the same username (Adaille).


End file.
